Jimmy Crachorn

            Let me tell you a little about myself.  I am a firm believer that opposites attract.  I am a 5’7” 221 lb Caucasian male.  I enjoy long walks on the beach and pina coladas in the sun.  I went to Catholic school my whole life, but never went to college.  My parents always loved me and wanted me to do whatever I dreamed of.  When I was 12 I spilled ice cream on my foot in front of everyone and was humiliated.  I always enjoy a cheap laugh.  I am absolutely terrified of going to the dentist.  My favorite song of all time is “Purple Rain” also my favorite actor is Prince (weird, I know).  I am embarrassed to say that I still live in my parents’ basement.  My busy job as an electrician does not give me many days off for free time, so I’ve found it difficult to find time to date.  I hate taxes.  My dog died today but I was relieved.  He was suffering and it was his time.  My favorite vacation spot in the world is Cape Cod, MA.  I was scared the first time I saw “Toy Story.”  My favorite fictional character is Robin Hood.

            As I said, I believe opposites attract so ideally you would be a 7’5” 122 lb ethnic female.  You should enjoy brisk sprints in the bay and strawberry daiquiris in the shade.  You should have never gone to school but have a college degree.  You parents should have always beaten you and wanted you to not do whatever you daydreamed about.  When you were 21, you should have kicked sorbet up into your mouth alone in a room and been elated.  You should sometimes enjoy an expensive cry.  You should absolutely love leaving the proctologist.  Your favorite movie of the last 20 years should be “Vanilla Sky” and your favorite band should be Queen (cliché, I know).  You should be proud to say that your parents just died in your basement.  Your lack of any employment whatsoever should free up every week for you, and you should spend all of your time dating.  You should love tax credits.  You should give birth tomorrow and feel panicked because you had no idea you were pregnant.  Your favorite vacation spot in the US should be Nogales, AZ.  You should have pissed laughing the first time you saw “Small Soldiers.”  You’re favorite historical figure should be Bernie Madoff.

xoxoxox-Jimmy